Nuclear War

Nuclear War: The Apocalypse Has Never Been Funnier

Released in 1989 by New World Computing, Nuclear War is a bizarre and satirical strategy game that dares to turn the annihilation of humanity into a comedic turn-based experience. Originally developed for the Amiga, it was later ported to MS-DOS and other systems. The game mixes black humor, cartoon visuals, and nuclear devastation into a cult classic that still stands out for its irreverent tone and unique approach.

The Goal? Erase Humanity—and Laugh While Doing It

Nuclear War opens with a nod to Dr. Strangelove, setting the tone for its absurd and darkly comedic gameplay. You play as one of several caricatured world leaders—satirical versions like "Ronnie Raygun" or "Gorbot"—in a free-for-all contest of global destruction. On Amiga, it’s one human player versus four AI opponents, but the MS-DOS version even allows multiple human players to join the chaos.

Each leader governs a nation with a visible population counter. That number drops dramatically once missiles start flying. You’ll manage your turn-based actions with a simple interface, deciding whether to use propaganda, launch nukes, drop stealth bombers, or attempt a bit of charm diplomacy. The game balances light strategy with total unpredictability—once a player is eliminated, all their stockpiled weapons launch in a final act of vengeance.

You can win by being the last nation standing—or by having the highest remaining population. But sometimes, no one wins. If global annihilation takes everyone out, the screen cuts to the earth exploding in spectacular fashion. If a computer-controlled player wins, they're shown hopping in celebration amid radioactive ruins shouting, "I won! I won!" If the human player wins? No victory screen—just a cold entry on the high score board.

The World Leaders of Nuclear War

In classic satirical fashion, Nuclear War features a roster of exaggerated cartoon leaders, each parodying a major political figure from the Cold War era and late 20th century global stage. These characters reflect the anxieties and absurdities of the time, wrapped in comical and over-the-top personas. Here's the full cast:

• Ronnie Raygun – A trigger-happy caricature of Ronald Reagan.
• P.M. Satcher – A stiff and stern nod to Margaret Thatcher.
• Infidel Castro – The bearded revolutionary version of Fidel Castro.
• Col. Malomar Khadaffy – A spoof of Muammar al-Gaddafi, chocolate-coated name included.
• Ayatollah Kookamamie – A wild exaggeration of Ruhollah Khomeini.
• Mao the Pun – Mao Zedong, reimagined with a bad sense of humor.
• Jimi Farmer – A peace-loving parody of Jimmy Carter.
• Tricky Dick – Richard Nixon, reappearing in his full shady glory.
• Mikhail Gorabachef – A red-faced version of Mikhail Gorbachev with plenty of Cold War flair.
• Ghanji – A bizarre inclusion: a pacifist version of Mahatma Gandhi, ready to hold his ground... with nukes?

The cast is outrageous and controversial by design, poking fun at Cold War politics and world affairs. They're not just faces—they bring personality (and firepower) to every game.

Gameplay: Random, Risky, and Ridiculous

While the game is turn-based, the unpredictable AI, chance-driven events (like missiles missing or spontaneous internal revolutions), and ridiculous flavor text keep things chaotic. Sometimes your missiles are intercepted. Other times, your own people revolt. Every action feels like a gamble, but that’s part of the game’s absurd charm.

Nuclear War doesn’t aim for realism. It aims for laughs—and it nails it. Between the silly animations of bombs falling, population counters rapidly plummeting, and leaders delivering snarky lines, it's one of the most outlandish strategy games of the 80s.

Amiga vs. MS-DOS: Nuclear War Face-Off

Nuclear War was released on both the Amiga and MS-DOS PCs, but the experience can differ significantly depending on the platform. Here's a side-by-side look:

Feature	Amiga	MS-DOS
Graphics	Colorful, smooth animations, cartoon-quality sprites	Simpler visuals, less expressive animations
Sound & Music	Great Amiga sound effects and music	Minimal sound (PC speaker), unless upgraded hardware
Multiplayer Support	Single-player only (vs CPU)	Supports more than one human player
Overall Experience	Polished, humorous, visually rich	Functional but less charming
Final Score	84%	78%

The Amiga version shines with its quirky presentation and vibrant audio-visual style. The MS-DOS version plays well and adds multiplayer options, but lacks the comic energy that defines the game’s personality. If you want the full Nuclear War experience, Amiga is the bomb.

Graphics and Sound

On the Amiga, the graphics are bright, colorful, and cartoonish—featuring exaggerated character portraits and animations that lean into the game’s satirical edge. The MS-DOS version is more limited visually but keeps the same structure intact.

Sound is minimal but effective. On the Amiga, you get short but memorable music clips and comical sound effects, like the "citizens screaming" effect when a city is hit.

My Memories

Even though I gave Nuclear War a fair and historically aligned score in this review, I have to confess something: in my heart, this game deserves well over 90%. I spent countless afternoons glued to the screen, launching missiles, laughing at the absurd animations, and trying out every single leader in the game.

Verdict

Nuclear War is one of the weirdest strategy games ever made—and that’s exactly what makes it great. With its mix of satire, unpredictability, and destruction, it’s the kind of game that sticks in your memory long after the last warhead has dropped. It's not deep, but it's unforgettable. A must-try for anyone who appreciates vintage dark humor and short-session strategy games.

Pros

✔ Unique mix of strategy and satire.

✔ Hilarious animations and political humor.

✔ Easy to pick up and play.

✔ Every game feels unpredictable.

Cons

✘ Can feel too random for serious strategy fans.

✘ Very short games—limited replay depth.

✘ MS-DOS version lacks graphical polish.

Final Scores

Amiga: 84%

PC (MS-DOS): 78%