Leather Goddesses of Phobos
At that time, text adventures probably had greater significance, given the graphical capabilities of video games; one could still rely on the best graphics card available on the market: the players' imagination.
In fact, thanks to the fantastic and always highly detailed textual descriptions of locations, for which Infocom was renowned, players were transported to those fantastic places where their stories unfolded—always engaging and well-crafted by those talented developers.
Among the most famous titles from Infocom, we can mention the Zork saga, Starcross, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Deadline, Planetfall, Enchanter, and finally, Leather Goddesses of Phobos.
Leather Goddesses of Phobos is perhaps their most daring success, where the irony always present in almost all their products went beyond the bounds of modesty, attempting to create an "adult" text adventure.
Leather Goddesses of Phobos running on Frotz, a popular interactive fiction interpreter that allows you to play text-based adventure games like this on a variety of platforms, including iOS, Android, Windows, and Linux. Frotz makes it easy to relive classic Infocom adventures on modern devices.
The game begins with the protagonist in a modest bar called Joe's Bar, in the town of Upper Sandusky, Ohio, in 1936. Sitting at the counter, sipping a cheap, nameless beer, immersing yourself in the simple and somewhat dingy atmosphere of the place. The environment is described in detail, allowing the player to fully dive into the scene.
At a certain point, our protagonist feels the urge to go to the bathroom, and here we have the first choice we must make as players: if we choose the men's bathroom, our protagonist will be male; otherwise, we will play as a female character.
Entering the bathroom, whether male or female, you’ll find it dirty and fly-infested. While you’re there, you might follow the instructions and use the Scratch ‘n’ Sniff card provided with the game. But of course, unless you’re a former child of the ‘80s with an original copy of the game, you won’t have that option. However, you can always type “Smell the odor,” hit Enter, and each time you’ll be told what you’re supposed to smell. In the case of the bathroom, it’s an old slice of pizza, dubiously discarded in the corner.
Here's the beginning of our adventure: Ohio, 1936, an unremarkable bar and a cheap beer... We're off to a great start!
Upon leaving the bathroom and attempting to order another drink, the bartender informs you that you've had enough. Suddenly, without warning, you're abducted by mysterious tentacled aliens: they're the minions of the Leather Goddesses of Phobos, who have sinister plans to conquer Earth by turning it into an enormous place of perverse pleasure. You find yourself imprisoned in a cell on an alien spaceship. You discover that the cell door is strangely open, and upon exiting, you meet another prisoner in the cell opposite: Trent, if you've chosen the male protagonist, or Tiffany, if you've chosen the female one. This character will become your adventure companion, and together you'll try to thwart the plans of the Leather Goddesses.
Your companion will be far from a secondary presence; you'll have the opportunity to interact with them often, and more than once their intervention—always very hilarious—will allow you to progress in the game, often sacrificing their own life... but then reappearing every time, inexorably, with the most absurd explanations of how they survived. For example, in Cleveland, your companion descends from a window using an improvised rope made of bedsheets to retrieve a headlight from a car but is immediately struck by a speeding truck. Shortly after, they miraculously reappear, offering a bizarre explanation of how they survived the accident.
In another instance, at the Sultan's palace, your companion incorrectly answers a riddle and is thrown into a pit with hungry tigers. Yet again, they return shortly after, recounting improbable adventures of how they escaped the ferocious beasts.
Furthermore, they possess the blueprint (written on the cover of a matchbook!) for a ramshackle machine that will save Earth from the alien conquest. But to build it, you'll need to recover eight objects that, once assembled, will bring to life the precious mechanism called the Super-Duper Anti-Leather Goddesses of Phobos Attack Machine.
The eight objects to recover are as folle:
- A blender
- A rubber hose
- Cotton balls
- An eighty-two degree angle
- A headlight from a 1933 Ford
- A mouse
- A photograph of Douglas Fairbanks (or Jean Harlow)
- A copy of the Cleveland phone book
In your adventure with your companion to retrieve these items, you'll travel far and wide: from the prison on the Leather Goddesses' ship to the Venusian Jungle, passing through the Mad Scientist's house; you'll cross the Martian Desert and visit King Mitre's castle on Mars. You'll navigate the Martian canals with your boat, stopping at various docks to explore new areas, such as the Sultan's (or Sultana's) Palace and the mysterious Catacombs beneath it. You'll even find yourselves in Cleveland and at a remote oasis, eventually reaching the alien spaceship of the Leather Goddesses and the surrounding outer space.
To cover all these thousands of miles, you'll use strange black circles drawn, embedded, or carved (I never understood, and the game doesn't explain it) on the floor, which have the power to teleport you to another black circle located at a great distance. They are portals that allow you to wander far and wide through the countless locations in the game.
The Scratch 'n' Sniff card included in “Leather Goddesses of Phobos” featured seven numbered sections. Throughout the course of the game, players were invited to scratch and sniff specific areas to experience scents that corresponded to the events of the game, from the aroma of an old slice of pizza to other smells that were always quite imaginative. This interactive element added a special sensory dimension to the text adventure, further immersing players in the quirky world created by Infocom.
Returning to the game modes regarding how explicit the story can be, there are three modes: Tame, Suggestive, and Lewd. The Tame mode is suitable for everyone, with content devoid of any innuendo. The Suggestive mode adds some more mischievous hints, while the Lewd mode presents the game in its most explicit and fun form, with more risqué jokes and situations. You can change modes at any time by simply typing "Tame," "Suggestive," or "Lewd" at the command prompt. I reiterate that even in the most explicit mode, there's nothing that could make a modern preadolescent blush; they'd probably laugh with amusement.
There are, however, some scenes that allow for slightly spicy interactions: like when you're entertained by one of the countless wives (or husbands, in the female mode) of the Sultan; or you save a space princess from the clutches of a mysterious antagonist; or even find yourself transformed into a gorilla during an experiment conducted by the classic mad scientist, inside a cage with another gorilla of the opposite sex.
All of this is always presented in an ultra-humorous way and never truly vulgar.
In reality, there's nothing else to add except that the game is truly entertaining, and the puzzles are genuinely intricate but wonderfully crafted. Particularly noteworthy are those on Mars, with the use of a strange boat that utilizes a Magnetomoor to latch onto different docks, each with various locations and absurd puzzles—not to mention the objects you have to retrieve.
The Verdict
In my personal list of the best text adventures ever, I've always ranked this one on par with Zork, contrary to those who consider Zork superior to all others—but this is just my humble opinion. In any case, it should be played, or replayed, before leaving this world.
Pros:
- The narration of a text adventure is often superior to the average video games we're used to, and Leather Goddesses of Phobos is no exception.
- The complexity of the puzzles and the actions executable through written commands is still unmatched by any other modern video game.
Cons:
- Excuse me?! A pound of graphics, please! What's that? The graphics are out of stock? Ah well... I'll do without...
- The puzzles can sometimes be devilishly difficult.
| Score | Rating |
|---|---|
| Game Commodore 64 | 93% |
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