Rock Star Ate My Hamster

I don’t know what you would do if a rockstar ate your hamster, but I would get seriously pissed off! In 1988, Codemaster, a historic developer and publisher of that era, still active in the video game world today, created a management game about the music business that was borderline absurd.

The title itself was already a statement, inspired by a famous headline that appeared in The Sun on March 13, 1986: "Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster." The story goes that Freddie, a well-known comedian of the time, after returning home from a performance at a nightclub in Manchester, asked his girlfriend for a sandwich. When she refused to make him the snack, it is said that he grabbed her pet hamster, Supersonic, stuck it between two slices of bread, and ate it.

Clearly, the story was a huge load of nonsense, as it was later revealed, fabricated solely to increase the newspaper's circulation (and it seems to have given a nice boost to the comedian’s career as well). However, it’s certainly the coolest thing you could do when your partner refuses to make you a sandwich—if you have the stomach for it...

Back to the game, I played the Amiga 500 version back in the day, while I recently checked out the Commodore 64 version, which I had missed. Apart from graphics and sound, it maintains the gameplay and originality of the product intact.

An advertisement for the game.
The "Stun", a parody of The Sun,
also appears during gameplay,
reporting the most relevant events
of the game run.

The game starts with two broke showbiz managers, Cecil Pitt and Clive, his right-hand man, who, after being dumped by yet another artist, play their last card: using the $50,000 Clive's Aunt Mabel gave him to specialize in the rock music business, where, according to Cecil, "the real money is". Your goal to complete the challenge will be to win four gold records by getting various singles and albums to the top of the music charts.

The first decision you'll have to make is how many members you want in your rock band. You can choose to have between one and four singers. Keep in mind that the more people there are, the more salaries you’ll have to pay, and especially in the beginning, when payday arrives, your finances will be crying. An advantage of having more than one singer in the group is certainly if one of them dies. You’ll be notified of this via a newspaper headline, and it will clearly be an improbable event like, "Rockstar dies during an orgy", or "Rockstar dies in a terrorist attack". Personally, I’ve always had great results with a solo singer, but back then, the game had a major flaw: the inability to save the game combined with the high probability of your stars dying. Today, with emulators and state-saving, everything is much easier.

After making this crucial decision, you'll have a lot of fun with the auditions to choose your band members. Here, you could write an anthology on each face that passes in front of you, proposing themselves as candidates.

Amiga 500 version: We’re in the middle of auditions.
This Tina Turnoff reminds me of someone! ...mmh, it must be just an impression.

Each singer is a parody of those actually present at the time of the game, and some really seem like total lunatics, so you'll certainly have fun selecting them and pairing them up to form the most unlikely rock group. The choice is crucial because each of them has different skills and salaries, so you could opt for a true talent like Wacky Jacko (inspired by Michael Jackson), but he’s pretty expensive, or you could go for a walking disaster like By George (from Boy George), with much lower salary demands.

If you form a band with more than one singer, you’ll have the chance to choose the name, so clearly, make up the most ridiculous one you can, in line with the rest of the game. The next step will be buying musical instruments, and here too, you can choose to go for quality by buying brand new equipment, opt for second-hand gear, or take stuff destined for the rubbish bin, straight from the rubbish bin.

Our two big shots in their polished (ahem...)
studio in the Commodore 64 version.

Finally, we’ll arrive at the main menu, in our two amateur impresarios’ recording studio, from where all the decisions throughout the game will be made.

You can have the band practice in the rehearsal room or organize a concert, which will lead to a whole series of other decisions such as the venue (a pub, a club, and so on up to a mega stadium concert), concert dates, and ticket pricing.

You can advertise or decide to give an expensive gift to your musicians to make them happier and improve their performance quality. You can choose gifts of various kinds, from a new $20,000 car to a $1 comic book.

There are still two key options left, which will only activate once your artists become sufficiently well-known to receive offers from a record label capable of recording and distributing your musical hits.

Here we are on the bus, ready to hit the stage at a concert.
Wacky Jacko, Tina Turnoff, and Bill Collins!
It’s going to be a success!

You’ll receive several offers, and it’s up to you to choose the most advantageous one. During the recording of your songs, you'll get to listen to them and enjoy them for a few seconds. Then, you'll be given a title suggestion that you can change. The comments from our two protagonists also indicate the potential success of each track, so it’s worth renaming those that could be your potential hits that will climb the global music charts.

Once you leave the recording studio, you’ll return to the main menu, your record label studio, and in addition to the usual options, you’ll be able to release a single, chosen from the recorded tracks, or an album.

Wacky Jacko has just recorded an
incredible hit: it needs a fitting title.

When releasing, you’ll have the opportunity to go wild by choosing whether to produce an accompanying music video, deciding on the director, the setting, and the scenery. Clearly, the quality will be directly proportional to the costs of your product.

Once that task is completed, you’ll start your routine again with rehearsals, advertising, concerts, and so on, but with a new variable in play: the performance of your single and your album, which will be shown to you through two distinct weekly top ten charts.

The chart is presented from the tenth place to the first, with a brief preview of the piece in question, and I assure you that after all the work you put into boosting your product's sales, you'll be on pins and needles, hoping to see it in the top ten with an upward arrow, indicating that the track is still rising toward the number one spot.

"L'Umbrella è Bella" is already at the fourth spot on
the singles chart and is heading toward the top!
Great, great...

The Amiga 500 version, besides having significantly better graphics, has great sound, and the fun of the game is enhanced by listening to the various songs, which, however, never take themselves too seriously, with everything having a comic book and parody feel.

However, the game is damn hard, and getting your productions to the top of the charts will be a real challenge. Very often, you’ll see your track rise up to the middle or, at best, among the top five, only to see it plummet down again.

To receive a gold record, you’ll need to get both a single and an album to the top of the charts, and to win the game, you’ll have to do this four times within a year! Bankruptcy or the death of your singers is always lurking around the corner.

Well, as far as ways to die go,
this isn’t too bad... It could have been worse.

The Commodore 64 version, due to graphics and sound significantly inferior to those of the Amiga 500, certainly suffers from a partial loss of that particular comic book atmosphere that continuously permeates the game. The round and caricatured graphics, the static but always comic sequences of concerts or rehearsals, or the advertising: everything contributes to at least bringing a smile to your face.

If you want to see the game in all its glory, I strongly recommend an Amiga 500 or the corresponding emulator rather than the younger sibling’s version, the Commodore 64.

To conclude this review of a really tough game, it's good to give you some tips to start decently; otherwise, you’ll sweat a lot just to get halfway up the charts.

1. When choosing singers, remember you only have $50,000, and the first weekly payday will arrive in no time, probably while you're still practicing in the rehearsal room without having earned a single penny. So, avoid hiring singers with a total fee of over $30,000.

2. In any case, choose a good singer. Recommended: Annie Smallpox, Michael Gorge, Wacko Jakco, Bill Collins.

3. At the beginning of the game, have your musicians practice for 5/7 days (depending on their skill level), and then throughout the game, have them practice for 2 days every 3 months or so.

4. Periodically give gifts to your stars (about one every two weeks) to avoid bizarre and more expensive requests during concerts, or even abandonment, and offer them a drink before rehearsals to improve their performance.

5. Advertise about twice a week. Before clicking on the related option, make sure you’ve saved the game: the events of your singers' deaths are generated by that command, so instead of finding your ad published in the newspaper, you'll find news of the (comical) tragedy. If this happens, reload the game and try again.

6. The best recording contract offer you’ll receive will be from Mega Records with 20% royalties. If you refuse, you won’t get another offer like that for the entire game.

7. Gradually do concerts in increasingly larger and more crowded venues and mark up the ticket price to the maximum: you'll start making money quickly.

8. Release the single or album preferably on a Monday or Tuesday, so you have an entire week to climb the chart.

9. For the first single, make a $50K video and choose sexy content (yes! include the ladies... Remember that sex sells). As soon as it reaches the charts around sixth place, release an album.

10. The rule of sexy content in the video in point (9) also applies to the next video you produce, which will be directed with a $3 million budget. Release the album when the single is about sixth on the charts, and you’ll see it climb three spots per week.

11. Never say "yes" to sponsors. Fans will think you're short on cash, and you’ll have lower attendance at concerts. Plus, there might be some negative news related to the product sponsorship. Following these rules, you should do pretty well and even snag a few gold records. Finishing the game, though, is another story.

12. Always say "yes" to charity concert requests. This will make you feel better, and the publicity from it should contribute to your singers' success.

The Verdict

This game has always left me with great memories, despite the difficulty. In the end, finishing it was never that essential since it was already fun in the (vain) attempt to win the four gold records. If you want to have a good laugh and enjoy a decent management game with great comic-style graphics, lots of humor, and tunes for obsessive-compulsive psychopaths, then this is definitely for you!

Pros:

• There aren't many music business management games around...
• ... and it’s so original and ridiculously over-the-top that it’s worth trying at least once in your life.

Cons:

• Short lifespan—the dynamics are fun and original, but in the long run, they become repetitive and tiresome. But we’re not going to play it for a year... retro gaming is free anyway! 

Score	Rating
Game Amiga 500	88%
Game Commodore 64	85%